Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
