five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
