She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
