He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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