we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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