I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
