Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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