I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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