1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
