I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
