I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
