I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Randomize
