I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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