You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
