I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Who died my cat blue again?
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