i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
