my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
