I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
