I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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