That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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