I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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