just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
