just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize