how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
