Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
