I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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