We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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