that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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