I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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