ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize