Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
