I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize