i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
