So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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