Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
