I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
