epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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