Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
