On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
