i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
