When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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