...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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