Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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