if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
