i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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