I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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