If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
