I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
