Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
