I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
