I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
