Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I am one with the molecules
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
