office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
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