and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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