dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I look better un-naked...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
