I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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