I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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