I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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