I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
