I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
