I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
