Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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