Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
