We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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