I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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