She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
