I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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