He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
