Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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